


The disadvantages of being a telepath during a party (and a few advantages)

by Eilisande



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 21:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilisande/pseuds/Eilisande
Summary: Being a telepath is not an advantage when you are at an alcoholic party. Jean Grey knows that and decides to make some people pay for it.





	The disadvantages of being a telepath during a party (and a few advantages)

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of one of my fanfictions. Do not hesitate to comment or criticize!

"You want to know what?"

The question reverberated in the huge reception hall of the Avengers' Manor, stopping many conversations around the telepathic mutant Jean Gray, better known as the Phoenix.

Little by little, the conversations resumed, while the young woman observed the four men who had come to her. She hoped that she had misunderstood, or that she had been propelled into a parallel world, or that she was dealing with demonic doubles. (1)

Before Kurt opened his mouth, she raised her hand and asked silence.

"Let me repeat. I want to be sure I understand everything. You want me to dig through your brains to see which of you has had the most conquests? "

Kurt questioned the others.

"Ja, that's it, Jean."

"So?" Asked Gambit with curiousity.

"Tell me I'm dreaming!", shouted Scott, with disapproval.

"I've been trying to take that idea off their mind for hours. Nothing works", Captain America sighed.

Jean put her hands on her temples and began to massage them to clear her ideas.  
She was going to kill someone. She just didn't know if it was going to be Iron Man, who had the idea to organize a new year party between superheroes, Captain America, who invited the X-men because he was a good Samaritan (2), or Professor Xavier for accepting the invitation. Perhaps she was going to kill them all.

The young mutant grabbed the nearest glass and swallowed it in one gulp before wincing. It was Piotr's vodka, and it tasted like bleach. It did not improve her mood.  
Worse, the alcohol drink did nothing. She was still sitting on the same couch, with Kurt, Logan, Remy and Iron Man in front of her. At least she knew he was Tony Stark the billionaire now. It could be useful.

They all had a big smile on their lips.

"You drank too much. You cannot decently ask me that!"

"Of course if, declared Remy Le Beau, aka Gambit, offering her his biggest seductive smile. We need an impartial judge."

"And you ask me. Avengers do not have telepaths? And Xavier?"

"We all agree that only a woman can decide."

Two minutes earlier, Jean was warmly curled up in the arms of Scott, dozing as they waited of the twelve strokes of midnight. But those four were ruining her evening. She was starting to get angry. Such a disturbance called revenge. And revenge, according to her, was a dish that was eaten hot (3).  
A Machiavellian smile invades her face. Scott shivered and settled down comfortably to enjoy the show. Captain America took six steps back and checked if his shield was at hand. The four men just waited, smiling. The alcoholic haze in which they bathed prevented them from feeling the danger.  
"Very well. Open wide your minds, I will announce the winner."

Jean remained silent for long minutes, her eyes closed, while names, dates, and undesired images, though often interesting anatomically speaking, paraded in her mind.

"We have a winner," she finally proclaimed.

Four winning smiles appeared on the faces of the competitors. Jean promised herself to erase them shortly.

"The last is Gambit, with 52 girls and ladies of all ages and social conditions. "

Remy was disappointed.

"Did you count Malicia?" He asked, annoyed.

"I hope she's above all those ... women, Remy. And what you just said will be reported to her. 52. The third is Diablo with 57 young women.

"A very honourable score," muttered the German mutant, taking a sip of beer.

"Yes, right ... The second is Iron Man with a score of 96."

"What? And I'm not even the winner?"

"And the winner is Wolverine with 164 women. And I only count those whose his vacillating memory recalls."

A respectful silence reigned for a moment among the candidates. Iron Man was the first to protest.  
"It's not fair! He is immortal! He had more time for that than us! Really, even if I hired three new secretaries a day, it would take me months to catch up!"

"Tony! "

Iron Man looked guilty when he saw Captain America's shocked face.

Remy was thinking fast.

"Okay, we can't protest against this result. We have an impartial and well-informed judge. And if we look at the male conquests, who wins this time? "

Scott half choked, and Jean rolled her eyes. She adored him, but he could sometimes be so ... conventional. But she was happy. Finally, she thought. They had fallen into her trap. And she did not even need to manipulate anyone's brain.

"All right," she said without hesitation this time. "I'll look."

"Jean, I'm not sure it's a good idea", Scott protested.

"They are big enough to make their own decisions. Do they want to do a contest? I give them what they want!"

Scott did not insist and just filled his glass, regretting that he could not teleport to the other side of the room - or the world - before the storm broke. He wondered if Apocalypse was still recruiting Cavaliers for his demonic plans (5).

"The fourth and last one is Wolverine with a score of one," said Jean without further ado. "He is followed by Diablo, who had only two male conquests, then by Gambit with 21 conquests."

There was a dramatic silence, then Jean announced wearily, "And Iron Man is the winner with his 63 conquests."

"Yes!" Exclaimed the latter. "If with that I do not beat Wolverine!"

"In fact, he still leads."

"So I just have to catch up", said the billionaire standing up and bulging his chest. "And I'm working on it immediately. Too bad you're no longer free Miss Gray."

"I'm sorry for that", grumbled the telepath, who saw him prepare a list of future conquests.

Captain America and Scott kept a shocked and disapproving silence. Jean was certain that Tony Stark was going to endure a long and painful speech about the respect to give women and men that one seduces the next day. And she was going to make sure that Professor Xavier saw her thoughts and ad the same conversation with Rémy, Logan and Kurt.

She took a deep breath and spoke before Stark rushed forward (6) to No. 1 on her list, Ororo, the Wind Mistress herself. Maybe she would electrocute him.

"In fact, gentlemen, do you know this theory, that when you kiss someone, you kiss all the people they kissed? Well, with this theory, and the number of your respective conquests in our common heroic world, each of you has embraced the other three. I will call your competition not a stupid drunkard's idea, but simply an original means of fixing a very old sexual tension between you. Now, if I may, I think Scott and I are going to withdraw. I saw a few interesting things in your memories. Are you coming, Scott? "

Jean stood up, motioning for Scott to follow her. She ignored the stunned looks of Captain America and the four drunkards. The confusion in their minds was a good enough revenge enough in her eyes for trying to ruin her evening. She would not go any further. Or maybe so. Evoking accidentally this evening from time to time could be entertaining.

 

(1) Which, contrary to what one might think, happens quite frequently. According to a scientific theory, all tax collectors must be demonic duplicates of volunteers in humanitarian associations. It should be noted that this theory has never known from whom Jehovah's Witnesses are the evil doubles. It's probably best for humanity that their duplicates have so far manifested themselves.

(2) In times like this, the X-men in question regretted not being once again publicly viewed as terrorists and therefore persona non grata in this kind of celebration. They could fight side by side with the Avengers, the Fantastics or Spiderman in a fight to save humanity. But to support their lectures without being able to "accidentally hurt" them in the fight to silence them, that was something else. Professor Xavier struggled since the beginning of the evening to prevent Spiderman from approaching Scott or Logan.

(3) According to Professor Xavier, the possession of Jean by a destructive cosmic spirit for several months was the cause of the young telepath's angry spirit. More prosaically, Logan said it was all redheads nature. Scott preferred to be quiet and watched in terror for the return of the three monthly days (4) where Jean began to collapse unless someone gives her cuddly arms, chocolate mousse and a romantic evening... Even a cosmic spirit can be tamed when one was a wise man.

(4) And unfortunately, December 31 of that year was one of those bad days.

(5) It was the case. But Apocalypse himself would have refused to engage Scott at the risk of suffering the wrath of a Phoenix in her bad days. He hired Cavaliers to serve as a barrier between himself and his adversaries, not to attract them like locusts and frogs upon Egypt.

(6) And even Quicksilver acknowledged that he could not exceed Tony Stark's response speed to a potential conquest.

 


End file.
